Losing Cindy Crawford

Weightwatchers Online sometimes provides entertainment I could not dream of. Today, it was Losing Kelly Rippa.

For those not familiar with Weightwatchers Online, it's a website with insprirational articles, manageable weight loss activities, recipe exchanges, and tools (i.e. places to write down how much you are (or are not) doing). There are also black holes of time and space known as The Message Boards.

The Message Boards come in many varieties. Are you a slacker who needs other people to hold you accountable to a fitness goal? Go to Fitness Challenge. Getting hitched and need to fit into that skinny dress? Go to The Bridal Party to see what the other desperados are doing to shed the weight. Got 50 pounds to lose? Visit the 50+ Pounds to Lose Board. Got 100+ Pounds to Lose and think you were just caught on one of those news program B rolls of fat people walking in the street? Commiserate at the 100+ Pounds to Lose Board.

As much as it pains me to admit it, I'm in the category of weight where, in fact, I do have 100+ pounds to lose. And as much as I'd also like to take advantage of that Lap Band surgery that all those fat people keep talking about (they're like a hit squad on daytime TV!!! I swear they're on every five minutes, along with the Snuggie and ShamWOW people..), anyway, as much as I'd like to take the easy way out, I'm not.

I am going to do this the old fashioned way - improve my diet and exercise more.

But that doesn't mean I can't have some fun.

Like all message boards, you have to pick a screen name in order to post something. I'm a sharer (shocking!) so I have one (Salligator, if you must know, and yes, I know it's completely lame). But today, I saw the best.screenname.ever.

Literally, this woman had named herself: LosingKellyRippa.

Because, you know, Kelly only weighs about 90 pounds. So this woman, bless her heart, put it out there. She's losing Kelly Rippa. Now how's THAT for a visual???

And, I gotta tell you, my new goal: Losing Cindy Crawford. WOW. That really makes you want to hit the gym, right? After contemplating the frightening reality that I am carrying an extra adult human being around (albeit a slightly skinny one) I slotted in that Biggest Loser DVD for the first time tonight. Nothing like a little extra human on your back to get you sweating.

And speaking of sweating....

Let me just share that I started the "warmup" - a 5 minute thingy - with the front window open about an inch.

Immediately after the warmup, I dashed through the dining room to open it up another inch.

Two minutes later and I was seeking serious cross ventilation. Plus the kitchen was closer - window open - AND LUNGE, two and three and four!

One set of lunges and a sweaty set of downward dogs later, and I was back in the dining room, had jacked the front window open a full TWELVE inches (did I mention it's 10 degrees with the windchill here?) as the sweat dripped off my brow and I began to second guess the effectiveness of my deodorant.

Once the place was sufficiently ventilated, I realized I could get through this. It's actually a pretty short workout (you add to it once you get through two weeks) but it was worth it. I got through the first Jillian Ass Kicking (JAK as we're calling it) and no emergency medical assistance was required. (Thank God because I would have had to write the Dove people and explain to them that they were directly responsible for my offending the Hot EMT when said Dove Deodorant failed. But again, another story.)

So here I stand. Five years ago, I completed an Olympic distance triathlon. And I struggled, but I trained and I did it. Now, I'm really, truly starting over. And when I do Lose Cindy Crawford, well, that will be worth every single ounce of effort.

Hm. Why is it so cold in here?