A Win for the Dog...And the Couch...

I learned a valuable lesson about caring for pets from my mom, when I was just a freshman in high school. Every morning, we'd be up and out the door at the crack of dawn. I wasn't yet driving, so I usually took the bus, but for some reason, I remember one day, my mom getting ready to take us to school - and being unable to do so on time. Why? Because she was busy chasing our Beagle puppy around the muddy, crappy front yard, trying to get him to come in the house, while he was treating it as his own Tour de Yard. He was a puppy, and he was having fun. Look at the stupid lady in the fur coat chasing me!!! Run, dog, run!!! My sister and I howled on the front steps as our mom got more and more angry.

Then I was late to homeroom. Woops. The bottom line is that the dog was a puppy! He was full of energy, and we didnt't have a clue how to train him, and he wanted to play.

More recently, I was at my Aunt's in Cincinnati. We were enjoying a lovely day of Christmas banter when a possessed Jack Russell Terrier was let out next door. He barked like he had a squirrel cornered - constantly - for a good ten minutes, about five feet from my Aunt's kitchen window. I finally looked at my Aunt and asked her what the dog's issue was - and she explained that the dog was fondly known as "Crack Dog" in the house. Up went the window.

"Hey CrackDog!!! Shut up!! You, CRACK DOG!!!" All the while, the dog is jumping, howling, and barking, because his own owners never gave him attention, and my Aunt, for all her illegal pharmaceutical references, was at least talking to him. She went downstairs - he kept barking. She yelled from the basement, "CRACK DOG!!! CRACK DOG!!!" while my mom and I cried, we laughed so hard. Sure, to us, it was funny - but to my Aunt - well, she was calling him Crack Dog. From the basement. You can guess what she thought of it.

So what I learned from both my mom - and more recently my Aunt - is that any puppy you adopt better be a good fit - and you better have the time, patience, and energy to ruin your best pair of shoes (figuratively speaking) making him part of your home.

I've lived in Chicago for almost 12 years now, and the last few months, I've really, really felt ready to adopt a dog. I'm 34 years old; I have an apartment I love; and I feel like maybe it's time to have something to come home to. Only, since Mr. Right has apparently been delayed on a flight from Wonderfulland, I was considering a non-human to fill that role. You know, that whole unconditional love thing? It sounded good to me. I'd have a reason to get up early, walk regularly, a companion to take with me hiking or running along the lakefront. What's not to love??

So this week, I looked into adopting Cassie, a cute black lab puppy. Sure, I originally thought I might foster first, but the timing was perfect. After all, I've got some time on my hands. But then I freaked out a bit.... First, she's a puppy. Second, she was black - and I've got this pretty CREAM Crate and Barrel couch that I've managed to not mangle for 10 years...and then there's the fact that I really do travel a lot...

So I was going back and forth, when my sister sent me the nicest email. Her version of a pro/con list, designed with me in mind. Liz had adopted a puppy not long ago, and she knew the drill...and shared her thoughts with me, just to make sure I had both eyes open. You know, the way sisters can do - with just enough truth to make you cringe....thus proving, too, that the older sister (that would be me) is not always the wisest one...

The thought running through your mind at this point may be…..Clearly a puppy can’t be that bad, I mean I have taken care of babies and they are far more difficult right?, or maybe this thought….oh my sister did it, and if she can do, I definitely can do it!

Why should I get a cute little puupy that needs a great home???

1) Clearly she would be a great companion (YES! BECAUSE WE KNOW I'M BORDERING ON SPINSTERHOOD AND L-O-N-E-L-Y)

2) She is going to listen to everything you have to say, and probably won’t argue back (EXCELLENT POINT)

3) She is a good reason to get out of the house and go to the dog park (do they have those in Chicago? ) (YES, AND IT'S CHEAPER THAN MATCH.COM)

4) You get to train her as opposed to receiving her already branded with commands you will never understand! (WOW. NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT)

5) Right now you can dress her up in fun clothes!! (OKAY, NOT MY FORTE. IS THERE A "WHAT NOT TO WEAR" FOR DOGS? WHAT IS THE WIDELEG PANT EQUIVALENT FOR DOGGIE SWEATERS?)

Why shouldn’t I get a cute puppy that is going to pee and poop all over my condo and shed all over my Crate and Barrel Couch??? (OH, I HADN'T EVEN GONE THERE...I WAS JUST ASSUMING THEY'D MOUTH IT LIKE A ONE YEAR LET LOOSE ON A SHOPPING CART...)

1) The first few nights are awful. Hopefully you have thick insulated walls so your neighbors won’t kill you or the new found addition! (LET'S JUST SAY, I CAN HEAR THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS AND ASSUME THEY'D HEAR THE DOG, TOO) Although awful, you can do it! Just make sure you load up on your ear plugs!! (WAY AHEAD OF YOU, SISTER)

2) You can’t just up and go when you want. You have to arrange sitters and walkers! (RIGHT. LEGITIMATE ISSUE HERE. I LIKE TO FEEL SPONTANEOUS EVEN IF I'M NOT.)

3) You probably live in a state where you have to have seat belts for your pup!
(OMG.)

So, with my sister's advice fresh in mind (and the feedback of two of my very good friends, who also politely offered their non-opinions), I called back the woman I'd been speaking to about Cassie and said thanks, but I think I'm going to have to pass. She was pretty upset that I'd wasted her time, which I understand. But here's the thing: they (the all-knowing pet people) tell you that when you're thinking about adopting a pet, you really have to think long term. And you know, as much as I WANT to have a dog right now, I'm not sure that in six months, when I'm employed again and making money and wanting to travel - or worse, in three months, when the only job I can get requires regular travel - that I'm going to be able to deal with it.

So...I'm going to sign up to foster a dog instead. I'll see how it goes, and help out a local shelter, and have a more temporary commitment. It's a "best of all worlds" compromise. And it's very, very, me. It's temporary, I get to feel good about it, do something helpful, and everybody wins.

Even the cream colored couch.